whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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