I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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