i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
