my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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