And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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