I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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