I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
