the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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