After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize