either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
