is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
