I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
