Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
