Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
