dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
