My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
