Sry I called you an 8
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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