Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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