She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
