Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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