so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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