I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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