Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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