I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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