My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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