We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
