I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
