Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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