but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize