I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
