You're so nebulous sometimes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
