I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
