if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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