saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
