Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
