I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
