Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
