he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
