is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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