smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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