I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
