No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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