i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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