im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
this just has baby written all over it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
