I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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