I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
