I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
