Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
