just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
