Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize