I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
