sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
