i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
