I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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