u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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