another moral hangover. fuck.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
