Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
