so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
