Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We left the knife in your bed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
