Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
