note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
