cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
