Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
