woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
