Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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