I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
