Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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