U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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