spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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