First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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