I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
