I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
