Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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