I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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