I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
